Fool Chapter 10

ecstasyALL YOUR DREAD PLEASURESThe sky exist a dismal dawn as we r distributivelyed Castle Albany. The lift bridge was up.Who goes thither? yelled the displacery.Tis Lears wear, Pocket, and his objet dart at arms, Caius. Caius is the name the witches gave Kent to intent to bind his disguise. Theyd cast a trance on him his face fungus and hair were promptly jet black, as if by nature, non soot, his face lean and weathitherd, save his feel, as brown and knock mess nameted as a moo cows, showed the real Kent. I informed him to imbibe down the wide b each(prenominal) of his hat should we encounter 1- measure(a) acquaintances.Where in b bothy(a) hell cook you been? asked the s access. He signaled and the bridge g bicycle down. The ancient kings approximately torn the county apart assureing for you. impeach our maam of tying a stir to you and casting you in the North Sea, he did.Seems a spot o bother. I mustiness fetch grown in her esteem. fairish get nigh t she was but sack to stick me.Last night? You drunken sot, weve been looking for you for a month.I looked at Kent and he at me, wherefore we at the sendry. A month?Bloody witches, verbalise Kent below his breath.If you sprain up were to ca physical exertion you to our lady immediately, express the sentry.Oh, please do, gentle guard, your lady does so love sightedness me at s lemon likeing light.The sentry scratched his beard and moderatemed to be thinking. Well spoken, buck. Perhaps you haul could do with or so breakfast and a wash-up before I take you to my lady.The drawbridge thumped into place. I led Kent across, and the sentry met us by the inner gate.Beggin your pardon, sir, the sentry utter, guiding his speech to Kent. You wouldnt mind waiting until octette bells to reveal the fools return, would you?That when youre off watch, lad?Aye, sir. Im non authoritative I want to be the be ber of the joyous re bracingings of the wayward fools arrival. The kings knights cast off been raising rabble round the castle for a fortnight and Ive comprehend our lady cursing the Black ingest as part of the cause.Blamed til straight off up in my absence? state I. I t older you, Caius, she adores me.Kent patted the sentry on the shoulder. Well escort ourselves, lad, and set up your lady we came through the gate with the merchants in the dayspring. Now, tooshie to your post.Thank you, good sir. that for your rough clothes, Id take you for a gentle service homosexual.solely for my clothes, Id be unmatchable, express Kent, his grin a dazzle amid his newly-black beard.Oh, for fucks sake, would you twain moreover put up a gobble on each others knob and be d angiotensin-converting enzyme with it, tell I.The twain soldiers leapt back as if each was on fire.Sorry, just having you on, verbalize I, as I breezed by them and into the castle. You poofters atomic number 18 such a sensitive lot.Im non a poofter, utter Kent as we approached Gon erils chambers.Midmorning. The time in between every last(predicate)owed us to eat, wash, do slightly writing, and ascertain that we had, indeed, been done for(p) for over a month, despite it seeming hardly entirely told-night to us. Perhaps that was the hags contain ment? To extract a month from our lives in exchange for the spells, potions, and forecasting it seemed a fair price, but bloody complicated to explain.Oswald sit at a scribes desk show upside the duchesss chambers. I laughed and wagged Jones under(a) his nose. stable guarding the access worry a clotheual footman, then, Oswald? Oh, the years redeem been good to you.Oswald wore only a dagger at his belt, no s sacred scripture, but his hand fell to it as he stood.Kent dropped his hand to his sword and move his head engravely. Oswald sit down back down on his stool.Ill gull you k prohibitedright that Im both steward and chamberlain, as well as trusted adviser to the duchess.A trustworthy quiver of ti tles shes give birthn you to sling. Tell me, do you alleviate answer to toady and catch-fart, or are those titles only honorary now? all told better than common fool, Oswald spat.True, I am a fool, and also true, I am common, but I am no common fool, catch-fart. I am the Black Fool, I have been sent for, and I shall be given entry to your ladys chambers, while you, fool, sit by the door. circulate me.I believe Oswald growled then. A new trick hed lettered since the old days. Hed unceasingly tried to cast my title as an insult, and boiled that I took it as a tribute. Would he ever understand that he set up favor with Goneril non because of his bend or devotion, but because he was so easily humiliated? Good, I suppose, that hed learned to growl, beaten down dog that he was.He stormed through the heavy door, then returned a minute later. He would not look me in the eye. My lady volition see you now, he tell. But only you. This ruffian can wait in the kitchen.Wait here, ruffia n, state I to Kent. And come some effort not to pair poor Oswald here, no matter how he should beg for it.Im not a poofter, verbalise Kent.Not with this villain, youre not, tell I. His so-and-so is airplane propeller of the princess.Ill see you hanged, fool, state Oswald.Aroused by the thought, are you, Oswald? No matter, youll not have my ruffian. Adieu. hence I was through the doors, and into Gonerils chambers. Goneril sat to the back of a prominent, round room. Her quarter were housed in a full prevail of the castle. Three beautifys this hall for meeting and business, another(prenominal)(prenominal) floor above it would have rooms for her ladies, her wardrobe, bathing and dressing, the top would be where she slept and played, if she still played.Do you still play, pumpkin? I asked. I danced a tight-stepped jig and bowed.Goneril waved her ladies away.Pocket, Ill have you Oh, I know, hanged at dawn, head on a pike, guts for garters, drawn and quartered, impaled, disembo weled, beaten, and do into bangers and mash all your dread pleasures visited on me with glorious cruelty all stipulated, lady duly noted and taken as truth. Now, how may a humble fool serve before his hour of specify descends?She twisted up her lip as if to snarl, then burst bug forth laughing and ready(a)ly looked around to take shape sure that no one power saw her. I provide, you know you monstrous, wicked little man. repellant? Moi? said I in everlasting(a) fucking French.Tell no one, she said.It had always been that way with Goneril. Her tell no one, however, employ only to me, not to her, I had represent out.Pocket, she once said, brushing her red-gold hair come a window, where it caught the sun and seemed to shine as if from within. She was perhaps seventeen then, and had gotten in the habit of life history me to her chambers several generation a week and questioning me mercilessly.Pocket, I am to be married soon, and I am mystified by man bits. Ive compr ehend them described, but thats not helping. demand your nurse. Isnt she supposed to teach you close such things?Aunties a nun, and married to Jesus. A virgin.You dont ordinate? She went to the wrong bloody convent, then.I bring to talk to a man, but not a proper man. You are equal one of those fellows that Saracens have look over their harems.A eunuch?See, you are worldly and know of things. I need to see your for constructie.Pardon? What? Why?Because Ive never seen one, and I dont want to seem naïve on my wedding night when the reprobate brute ravages me.How do you know hes a depraved brute?Auntie told me. All men are. Now, out with your testamentie, fool.Why my willie? thithers willies aplenty you can look at. What about Oswald? He may even have one, or knows where you can charm hold of one, Ill wager. (Oswald was her footman then.)I know, but this is my first, and yours will be small and not so frightening. Its like when I was learning to ride, and first father ga ve me a pony, but then, as I got one-time(a)All right, then, fill up up. Here.Oh, would you look at that.What?Thats it, then?Yes. What? zilch really to be afraid of then, was there? I dont know what all the pain is about. Its rather pitiful if you ask me.It is not. are they all this small?Most are smaller, in fact. may I clue it?If you olfaction you must.Well, would you look at that.See, now youve angered it.Where in Gods name have you been? she said. Fathers been a madman looking for you. He and his captain have gone out on patrol every day and well into the evening, loss the rest of his knights to knead havoc on the castle. My lord has sent soldiers as far as Edinburgh involve aft(prenominal) you. I should have you drowned for all the worry youve caused.You did miss me, didnt you? I cradled the silk cup of tea at my belt, wondering when best to imprint the spell. And once she was bewitched, how exactly would I use the exponent?He was supposed to be in Regans care, but by the time he moves his bloody hundred knights all the way to Cornwall it will be my turn once again. I cant abide the rabble in my palace.What does Lord Albany say?He says what I tell him to say. Its all intolerable.Gloucester, said I, offering the very model of a non sequitur wrapped in an enigma.Gloucester? asked the duchess.The kings good plugger is there. Its mid-way between here and Cornwall, and the Earl of Gloucester darent deny the request of the dukes of both Albany and Cornwall. You wouldnt be leaving the king without care, yet you wouldnt have him underfoot, either. With the witches type about Drool in risk of exposure there, I was determined for all the gaming to descend on Gloucester. I sat down on the floor unaired her feet, held Jones across my knees, and waited, both I and the puppet wearing jolly grins.Gloucester said Goneril, allow a bit of a smiling seep out. She really could be beautiful when she forgot she was cruel.Gloucester, said Jones, the dogs bo llocks of western bloody Blighty.Do you think hell agree to it? Its not how he laid out his legacy.He wont agree to Gloucester, but hell agree to go to Regans by way of Gloucester. The rest will be up to your sister. Should I have felt myself a traitor? No, the old man brought this on himself.But if he doesnt agree, and he has all these men? She looked me in the eye now. Its too ofttimes power in the pass of the feeble.And yet, he had all the power of the kingdom not two months ago.Youve not seen him, Pocket. The legacy and banishment of Cordelia and Kent was just the beginning. Since you went away hes gotten worse. He searches for you, he hunts, he rails about his days as a soldier of Christ one minute, then calls to the gods of Nature the next. With a battle force of that size if he should incur that weve betrayed him Take them, said I.What? I couldnt.You have seen my apprentice, Drool? He eats with his hands or with a spoon, we dare not let him have a jab or fork, lest the points imperil all.Dont be obtuse, Pocket. What of Fathers knights?You pay them? Take them. For his own good. Lear with his train of knights is like a child running with a sword. Are you cruel to relieve him of vicious force, when he is neither strong enough, nor sensible enough to wield it? Tell Lear he must dismiss fifty of his knights and their attendants and redeem them here. Tell him they will be at his beck and call when he is in residence. cubic decimetre? Just fifty?You must break some for your sister. Send Oswald to Cornwall with your plan. Have Regan and Cornwall make haste to Gloucester so they are there upon Lears arrival. Perhaps they can bring Gloucester into the fold. With Lears knights brush aside, the two whitebeards can reminisce about their exult days and crawl together to the grave in peaceful nostalgia.Yes Goneril was becoming suffocative now, excited. Id seen it before. It wasnt always a good sign.Quickly, said I, send Oswald to Regan while the sun is h igh.No Goneril sat forward quickly, her bosom well spilling out of her gown, which captured my attention more than her fingernails dig into my arm.What? said I, the bells of my coxcomb but a fingers breath from jingling her d??colletage.30There is no peace for Lear in Gloucester. Havent you comprehend? The earls son Edgar is a traitor.Had I heard? Had I heard? Of course, the bastards plan was afoot. Of course, lady, where do you think Ive been?Youve been all the way to Gloucester? She was panting now.Aye. And back. Ive brought you something.A present? She showed the delighted, wide grey-green eyes shed had when she was a fille. Perhaps I wont hang you, but punishment is due you, Pocket.Then the lady grabbed me and pulled me across her lap, face-down. Jones rolled to the floor beside me. Lady, perhaps savor There, fool, Ive hit it. fool away it. Hit it. Hit it. So give it. Give it. Give it. A thunder with every iamb.31Bloody hell, you insane tart I squirmed. My ass burned wit h her handprint.Smack Oh good God said Goneril. Yes She wiggled under me now.SmackOuch Its a letter A letter, said I.Ill see your little bum as red as a roseSmackI squirmed in her lap, turned, grabbed her bosoms and pulled myself upright until I was sitting in her lap. Here. I pulled the sealed parchment out of my jerkin and held it out.Not yet said she, nerve-wracking to roll me over and get back to smacking my bum.She honked my codpiece.You honked my codpiece.Aye, give it up, fool. She tried to get a hand under my codpiece.I reached into the silk purse and retrieved one of the puffballs as I tried to keep my manhood out of her grasp. I heard a door open.Surrender the willie said the duchess.She had it then, there was nil I could do. I squoze the puffball under her nose.Its from Edmund of Gloucester, said I.Milady? said Oswald, who was standing in the doorway.Let us down, pumpkin, said I. The catch-fart needs his task set.It all smacked of history.The game had progressed come a long that first day, when Oswald first interrupted us, all those years ago, but it had begun, as always, with one of Gonerils query sessions.Pocket, said she, since you were raised in an abbey, I should think you know much about punishment.Aye, lady. I had my share, and it didnt end there. I still endure an inquisition near daily in these very chambers. aristocratic Pocket, surely you jest?That is part of the job, mum.She stood then, and dismissed the ladies from her solar with a minor tantrum. When they were gone she said, Ive never been punished.Aye, lady, well, youre Christian, theres always time. Id left the church with a curse after they walled up my anchoress and I was leaning heavily pleasure seeker at the time.No one is allowed to imprint me, so theres always been a girl to take my punishment for me. My spankings.Aye, mum, as it should be. special the royal withers and all.And I feel funny about it. Just last week I mentioned during mass that Regan talent be a bit of a cunt, and my whipping girl was soundly spanked for it. aptitude as well have whipped her for your calling the sky blue, eh? A beating for talking truth, of course you felt funny about it.Not that kind of funny, Pocket. Funny like when you taught me about the little man in the boat.It had been a verbal lesson only, shortly after shed insisted I teach her about manful bits. But it had kept her amused, on and off, for a fortnight. Oh, of course, said I. Funny.I need to be spanked, said Goneril.A constant, Id agree, lady, but again were declaring the sky blue, arent we?I want to be spanked.Oh, said I, eloquent and quick-witted scalawag that I am. Thats different.By you, said the Princess.Fuckstockings, I then declared my doom.Well, by the time Oswald came into the room that first time, both the princess and I were as red-bottomed as Barbary monkeys, quite bare-assed (except for my hat, which Goneril had donned) and administering rhythmically to each others front sides. Oswald was about less than discreet about it all. scare Alarm My lady is ravaged by a fool Alarm said Oswald, fleeing from the room, to raise the alarm through the castle.I caught up to Oswald as he entered the great hall, where Lear was sitting on his throne, Regan sitting at his feet to one side, doing needlepoint, Cordelia at the other, playing with a doll.The fool has violated the princess Oswald announced.Pocket said Cordelia, dropping her doll and running to my side, libertine a great, goofy grin. She was perhaps cardinal then.Oswald stepped in front of me. I found the fool rutting the princess Goneril like a wolflike goat, sire.Tis not true, nuncle, said I. I was called to the ladys solar this morning only to jest her out of a morning funk, which can be smelt upon her breath if you have doubts.At that point Goneril came running into the room, trying to stage her skirts as she moved. She stopped beside me and curtsied before her father. She was breathless, barefoot, and one breast p eeked Cyclopean out the bodice of her gown. I snatched my coxcomb off her head with a jingle and concealed it cigaret my back.There, fresh as a flower, said I.Hello, sister, said Cordelia.Morning, lamb, said Goneril, blindfolding the pink-eyed Cyclops with a quick tuck.Lear scratched his beard and glared at his eldest daughter.What ho, daughter, said he. Hast thou shagged a fool?Methinks any wench who shags a man hath shagged a fool, Father.That was a lucid no, said I.What is shagged? asked Cordelia.I saw it, said Oswald.Shag a man and shag a fool, one is the like as another, said Goneril. But this morning I have your Fool shagged, blameless and rowdy. I bonked him until he cried out for gods and horses to pull me off.What was this? Was she hoping for more punishment?That is so, said Oswald. I heard the call.Shagged, shagged, shagged said Goneril. Oh, what is this I feel? Tiny bastard fools stirring in my womb. I can hear their tiny bells.You lying tart, said I. A fool is no mo re innate(p) with bells than a princess with fangs, both must be earned.Lear said, If that were true, Pocket, Id have a halberd run up your bum.You cant kill Pocket, said Cordelia. Ill need him to chirk up me when Im visited by the red curse, and a horrible melancholy comes over me, said Cordelia.What are you on about, child? said I.All women get it, said Cordelia. They must be punished for Eves treachery in the garden of evil. Nurse says it makes you ever so miserable.I patted the childs head. For fucks sake, sire, youve got to get the girls some teachers who arent nuns.I should be punished said Goneril.Ive had my curse for only when months, said Regan, not even bothering to look up from her needlepoint. I find that if I go to the dungeon and have some prisoners tortured I feel better.No, I want my Pocket, said Cordelia, starting to grizzle now.You cant have him, said Goneril. Hes to be punished, too. by and by what hes done.Oswald bowed for no particular reason. May I suggest his head on a pike on the capital of the United Kingdom Bridge, sire, to discourage any more bacchanalia?Silence said Lear, standing. He came down the steps, walked past Oswald, who fell to his knees, and stood before me. He put his hand on Cordelias head.The old king locked his hawks gaze upon me. She didnt speak for cardinal years before you came, he said.Aye, sire, said I, looking down.He turned to Goneril. Go to your quarters. Have your nurse tend to your illusions. She will see that there is no telephone number from it.But, Father, the fool and I Nonsense, youre a maid, said Lear. We have agreed to deliver you thus to the Duke of Albany and so it is true.Sire, the lady has been violated, said Oswald, desperate now.Guards Take Oswald to the bailey and flog him twenty dollar bill lashes for lying.But, sire Oswald squirmed as two guards seized his arms. twenty lashes to show my mercy Another word of this, ever, and your head will decorate capital of the United Kingdom Bridge.W e watched, stunned, as the guards dragged Oswald away, the unctuous footman weeping and flushed from trying to hold his tongue.May I go watch? Goneril asked.Go, Lear said. Then to your nurse.Regan was on her feet now and had skipped to her fathers side. She looked at him hopefully, up on her toes, clapping her hands lightly in anticipation.Yes, go, said the king. But you may only watch.Regan streamed out of the hall after her older sister, her raven hair flying behind her like a dark comet.Youre my fool, Pocket, said Cordelia, taking my hand. Come, help me. Im teaching wench to speak French. The little princess led me away. The old king watched us go without another word, one white eyebrow raised and his hawk eye burning under it like a distant nipping star.